I Diet Everyday Until About Noon

Today’s post didn’t turn out nearly as funny/appalling/entertaining/gross as yesterday's. It’s rather ordinary, but I will give it to you anyway.

I started Weight Watchers last Sunday since they offer a 30-day free trial. I’ve been dutifully counting points for three days and exercising (harder) for the same amount of time.

The bad news is that I’m always hungry. The good news is that I can be a Weight Watchers failure for free instead of paying $23 monthly for the privilege. I’m hoping this time around, I will succeed in losing some extra weight because we’re going on a cruise in a few weeks.

If having to slap on a bathing suit in about 60 or so days isn’t enough to get me to stop shoveling junk food into my mouth, I can remind myself of how I struggled over the weekend wearing a pair of jeans that were so freaking uncomfortable they put me into Pissy Bitch Mode, counting down the time until the glorious moment they could be peeled off my body. 

And yet, the urge to bury my head in a bag of potato chips continues. So I have to ask myself: Do I want to be chunky, well-fed, and pissy while exploding out of my clothes? Or do I want to be thinner and not have to hitch my pants together with a rubber band while my stomach growls loud enough to drown out the television? 

Let me tell you, there's no easy answer to those questions, and I don’t know about you, but I’m getting sick of always having to make responsible, adult choices. (Hence, the need for lazy self-care days.)

In other annoyances, I’m not a fan of counting Weight Watchers points and I’m always so hungry on the minuscule amount of food you’re allowed I swear to God I’ll bare my teeth if you so much as come near my meal. 

Then there’s the rotating menu of zero-point snacks that fit within the whole Weight Watcher spectrum. They try to make them sound interesting (over 350 choices!!!), but it is just a bunch of vegetables and Greek yogurt. I also get sick of obsessively entering data into their app, which has improved significantly since the last time I used it but is still tedious. 

Oh, and I’m still battling lingering guilt over the box of Nestle Buncha’ Crunch I allowed myself to eat as a “final sugary snack” on Saturday night. I told myself that before starting WW, I would eat that candy, enjoy it, and begin my delightful diet journey the next day. So why am I still thinking about it and feeling bad, as though I had done something far more adulterous and illegal with the contents of that blue box other than sucking, licking, and reveling in every crunchy, chocolatey morsel of…

F*ck you, Buncha Crunch. You weren’t even that great. Well…actually…you were unbelievable.

Anyway, my biggest challenge - other than entertaining lustful thoughts about candy - is letting go of the notion that losing a certain number of pounds is required to be fit. After suffering through enough Body Blast classes, it's apparent that I can make significant changes to certain parts of myself without dropping a considerable amount of weight. Yet, every time I step on the scale, I feel discouraged. I should throw the scale in the garbage and stop measuring my success and self-worth according to my poundage, but I can’t help myself.

Do you know what I mean?