Let’s Pretend We’re Going To Be Better People In The New Year
Like many people, I went into 2024 with the hope that things were going to be better than they were in 2023—not just with me but with the country, the world, and people as a whole. Yet, the year ends with it feeling like the universe set out to educate us in various ways that could be worse.
But enough of that. Let’s talk about ourselves and our personal goals. Do you make resolutions? I do, BUT, being an impatient human with zero self-control, I bounce between being intent on keeping my resolutions and throwing up my arms in frustration and saying, “F*ck this resolution sh*t! It’s too hard!”
Some days, I might announce a big self-improvement plan for the new year and say words like “wellness journey” or “healthy eating chart.” On another day, I’ll find myself lying on the couch vowing to eat only one row of Oreos and not the whole package and consider that a success. (I suppose one wise resolution would be adding more balance to my life.)
At this point, I’m not ready to reflect on 2024 in any meaningful, self-reflective way. There was so much joy in the year with a sweet granddaughter and fun times with friends, but there was also a lot of “just getting through it.” But that’s life. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have…
Anyway, on a personal good news front, I exercised the sh*t out of my body this year and got stronger and fitter. I scaled down my toxic cookie-eating habit; I still chat occasionally with my therapist, who is a miracle worker. She made me mentally stronger and helped me not to be obsessed with stupid bullsh*t. Yes, the anxiety is still there, but it’s more of a background noise than the main event, and that’s progress.
I’ve also learned to be nicer to myself in 2024, and I’m going to continue to work on that in 2025. As for other goals in the New Year, here’s a short list of what I plan to do. I’m probably foolish for posting my New Year's resolutions on social media because two months from now when I’m elbow-deep in a bag of Cheetos, and somebody asks me how the healthy eating is going, I’m going to feel like an ass. But whatever, here you go. This year, I vow to:
Not eat a piece of junk food every time I walk into the kitchen. (Yes, that sounds good now, but you know, by the middle of January, I’ll be like: I need to exercise (my right to eat) more (cookies)
Be better at returning my shopping my cart.
Learn the difference between being bored and being hungry.
Have my body make less noise when I stand up.
Pretend I have the willpower to magically fix all my problems.
Not be in a situation for even an hour where I’m not enjoying myself.
Not sit on my car for an extra five minutes on my phone right after I park anywhere.
Have a clean home and get Bill’s shit together. In other news, Bill is up for adoption. Ha ha! Oh, that man of mine! He can handyman the sh*t out of your house, but he sucks so much of my time with his not knowing how to use Venmo, or how to install a phone app, or use any type of online banking.
Put fewer than three Chapsticks through the washer and dryer.
Get slightly older each day, maybe eat more vegetables, discard old socks, stop dropping my phone on my face when I’m checking it in bed in the morning, drink the same amount of Diet Mountain Dew, keep the candy bowl in the kitchen filled, and continue to muddle through.
What about you? Are you a New Year’s resolution person, or are you someone who is more of a “occasionally get motivated to change your life at 3 am because you can’t sleep person?”