Bill and I Both Have Colds Which Means I’m Cleaning the Kitchen and He’s Dying

I have a cold. Bill also has a cold, but of course, mine is not as horrible as the viral ailment he has been enduring.

For the most part, I’ve been carrying on with life as usual - cooking, cleaning, laundry, blah blah blah. I missed a gathering on Saturday night because I was just too damn tired. Bill went without me - even though his cold is so much worse than mine.

So, instead of hanging out with friends, I stayed home, made a couch nest, surrounded myself with a pile of tissues, snuggled under a blanket, and binge-watched the Love Boat while sniffling, coughing, and loudly exclaiming, “DAMNIT!” after every rib-cracking sneeze, behavior I found annoying when it was demonstrated earlier in the week by the other person who lives in this house. 

I sound awful and uncaring, don’t I? I’m not being fair, especially when you remember that BILL’S COLD IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN MINE. His cold is almost deadly and incapacitating, a literal whole-bodied takeover that left him unable to empty the dishwasher on Saturday yet fully capable of socializing. 

Yeah, I’m scratching my head over that too. Actually, I’m not scratching my head because, as we all know:

• Penis = Man cold = Full body debilitation that leaves you unable to function (unless you have a brief miracle recovery on a Saturday night, and boy, that must be nice!)

• Vagina =  Female cold = Heroic Silent Suffering While Getting Shit Done and Receiving No Sympathy.

And just so you know, it’s not like I don’t try to prevent viral infections from infesting our house. “Wash your hands,” I say on repeat to NO ONE AT ALL because THAT’S WHO IS LISTENING.

Oh, don’t take me seriously. I’m just kidding.

Mostly.

OOOOh….I might I might get in trouble for posting this. Let’s see how long it takes him to discover it. Ha ha ha.

To be fair, this was my situation when I wrote this post.