It’s Silly to Think Tearing Someone Else Down Will Build You Up

Shut down gossip, toxic talk and all that other negative bullsh*t

Not long ago, I learned that mean gossip was being spread about me.

This particular tale was old and regurgitated by a woman who had ghosted me a few years ago. Apparently, she made new friends and was using a certain story about me to...well...I don’t know. Make herself feel popular? Bond quickly with her new pal? Elevate herself socially? Boost her self-esteem? Or any of the other dumb reasons women spread stories about other women.

I messaged her, explaining what I heard and asking her to stop saying those things about me. She denied saying them (Ahem…sure.) Okay, whatever. I dropped it. But I’d like to think I made my point, which was: Stop that and truce, please.

Because I am an almost 60-year-old woman who is still somewhat uncomfortable with confrontation and sticking up for herself, I spent the rest of the day feeling gratified for finding my voice yet having sick-to-my-stomach anxiety that may have been more effective for shedding pounds than a cayenne-and-lemon juice fast. Oh, I have a party coming up in a few weeks and a dress to fit into. Does anyone want to gossip about me so I can drop a few pounds?

I’m kidding because please, for the love of all that is good, don’t gossip. It’s just so mean, and unnecessary. Did I mention mean? And unnecessary?

We’ve all gossiped at some point because we are human, we are imperfect, and sometimes we can’t help but occasionally immerse ourselves in a juicy story. Regardless of age, being a woman means you most likely run in a few different social circles, and at some point in those circles, the gossip will fly.

It’s easy to join in. Gossip is entertaining, and sharing a spicy story can make you the center of attention, make you feel superior, or keep you from being a gossip target yourself.

But you know what? Those words pretty much ALWAYS end up hurting the person being talked about. Gossip alienates friends, ruins reputations, and encourages ostracizing behavior. It cuts people down and puts sh*tty vibes into the world. There should be a universal rule that we leave certain things behind in our teens, and petty gossip should take the top spot.

I am not perfect – far from it – but when I hear women trashing other women behind their backs, it makes me squirm. Maybe I’m sensitive because I’ve been gossiped about too many times and know how damaging it can be. Maybe that’s why I briefly turn into a roiling mass of self-criticism whenever some of the mean stuff that’s been said about me makes its way back to me. And maybe that’s why I have a mini internal mental meltdown when I’m at a gathering and gossip starts to fly.

Or maybe I’m normal, and in my advanced age, I’ve learned it’s just not that hard to be nice. Making genuine connections with other women is difficult enough without okaying childish and hurtful behavior.

I’ve promised myself that I’m not going to allow toxic gossip into my life, because this sh*t is old. If I find myself in a place where gossip is starting and I can’t exit, I will change the subject or not respond. And if someone is intent on sharing gossipy crap with me, I’m going to stop it by saying, “Why are you telling me that?” and I will not repeat anything I’ve heard.

My goal is to treat people the way I’d like to be treated. I read somewhere that if you think more about how everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, you’ll think less about what they said and did last week. And seriously, why would anyone want to share mean stories about someone? If you are getting gratification from causing someone to be pushed out of a friend group, uninvited from activities, and tarnished by distasteful stories, you’ve got bigger issues that need to be tended to.

Let’s shut this sh*t down.