Be The Best Version of You, Unless You’re An A**hole

Sometimes, I may be as sharp as a bowling ball, but one thing I learned recently during my daily journey of self-discovery and introspection is to assume the worst about people.

Part of that assumption was formed based on my own life experiences dealing with people, and part of it was formed after reading a book (while walking on the treadmill and blow-drying my hair) called Assholes: A Theory by Aaron James.

I think it’s actually a book written for people who work for and with assholes, but it sounded interesting, and even though I work alone, I thought it might help me deal with the regular, day-to-day assholes we all encounter while going about life.

Speaking of life, in it, we are pretty much taught to believe that we should stay positive, that people are inherently good and concerned for others, that humans are geared towards bringing goodness into the world and purpose into their days, and blah blah blah.

I wholeheartedly believe all of the above, but do you know what? - and you might think I’m the skunk of the garden party for saying this - PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES, and both can be true.

There are the temporary assholes, which we can all be under certain conditions, like when someone speaks to us before we’ve had coffee, and there are the certified assholes, who are horrid pretty much all of the time because they want others to feel hurt and upset and enjoy causing the hurt and upset.

I think the key is balance and knowing how not to let that toxic behavior affect your life and relationships. Just because someone is a treacherous, miserable, selfish, volatile, and unscrupulous asshole doesn’t mean you shouldn’t find them entertaining and humorous because most of the time, all their over-the-top, miserable, angry ranting is funny. And you can still be nice when you have to deal with them by replacing the “F*ck You” you want to say with “Okay, great” and a stiff smile.

Some days, my Give A F*ck meter is broken, and I don’t care about how people behave. But on the days it’s not, I’m hopeful that this book will teach me how not to feel like my head is going to spin around and pop off when confronted with asshole behavior. In the meantime, there is always the tactic of channeling my inner zen while smiling and nodding, but goddamn it, having to deal with people sometimes turns into a CHORE, one that can be an INSURMOUNTABLE bona-fide f*cking pain in the ass.