I’m Going For a Walk While Eating a Candy Bar Because Let’s Be Honest Here

After six weeks of moaning about being hungry ALL THE TIME, I’m happy to report I’m down five pounds, despite quitting Weight Watchers about a week in. While I’m complaining about dieting in general, let me expand that to complain about Weight Watchers specifically. How does one survive on that diet plan? I know millions of people have had success with it, but I found it incredibly restrictive and realized a few days in that I didn’t need the WW app to tell me to only eat vegetables - because let’s be real, the Weight Watchers diet is nothing but glorified vegetable eating. As an alternative, I have been counting calories with my Fitbit app, and it seems to be working as long as I exercise daily. 

Squeezing exercise into my “busy” schedule has been easy peasy. I can get 10,000 steps by mid-afternoon. Of course, seven thousand of those steps involve wandering around the house looking for my wallet, glasses, or car keys, but steps are steps, right?

I throw other exercises in there, too. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I bring myself to the brink of death in Peggy’s Body Blast Class. On Tuesday and Thursday, I take a Zumba or stretch class, and on Saturday and Sunday, I take a long walk. 

Yay for walking. Said sarcastically.

I know walking is good for you mentally and physically, but putting my phone down long enough to go on a stupid f*king morning or afternoon stroll is the last thing I ever feel like doing.

One of the mysteries of exercise is how psyching yourself up to do it is so freaking hard when you know all along you’re going to feel awesome when you’re finished. It’s always so humbling when the stupid little walk I go on for my stupid mental and physical health actually makes me feel better.

But still, knowing I have to take a walk makes me crazy. I put on my shoes with drag-your-feet dread. Sometimes, I watch people walk past our house outside and get up and close the blinds. Especially when people are walking at 6 am. Do people exercising at 6 am know about not exercising at 6 am?

I’m kidding about that. But I’m not kidding when I say one of the worst things about walking alone for half an hour is looking at my Fitbit and seeing it’s been four minutes. That’s not to say I hate everything about walking. I like carb-loading afterward (pretending like I just ran a marathon… haha), and I like the cute, comfortable footwear. I also like walking because I forget all my usual problems because I am too busy focusing on just one problem: How bored I am.

If I’m being completely honest, I would rather rot in my bed than go outside for a silly little walk. But I like donuts and cookies, and this almost 60-year-old body doesn’t have the metabolism it once had. So now I must pry my ass off the couch and go on my silly, little walk in the silly little sunshine so I can fit into my silly, not-so-little clothes and keep my dumb brain from defaulting into its normal silly little anxiety-ridden mess.