I Survived A Global Pandemic Only To Be Taken Out By Tree Pollen

I’ve been snurfling my way through what feels like a nasty head cold but is actually a weeks-long reaction to the mountain of pollen Florida churns out starting in February and continuing through eternity.

When we lived in Pennsylvania, I spent two years getting allergy shots and always felt like I had a fairly robust immune system, but now, since we’ve moved south, every time the wind blows lately, I’m like, “G** F**king Dammit!” because I know I will be sneezing from the depths of my soul repeatedly for hours.

That’s right. HOURS. Until I collapse on the couch from exhaustion and nap fitfully in a house that is sealed off from any breeze, elements, or airflow but which that STUPID POLLEN still manages to infiltrate and flog me beyond belief. 

No matter what I do, my eyes are still watering, I’m constantly sniffing, and there is no end to the a-chooing, so pardon me if I’m not sounding very good-natured and am instead expressing myself as a rolling storm of emotion.

I have never known suffering like this. If I overdose on allergy medicine, so be it. Someone please call the whaaaam-bulance.