Have Fun Drowning In My Glass of Water, You Tiny Little Idiot

We have this nightly bedtime ritual. At exactly 10 p.m., Bill jumps up from his recliner. Well, it's not a jump, exactly. It’s more like a slow, creaky unfolding of his long body as he grimaces before announcing that his knees hurt. 

He lumbers into the kitchen, takes his various medicines, then announces, “It’s bed pull-down time,” and limps into the bedroom, where he pulls down the covers on the bed.

As long as I’ve known Bill, he’s had this amusing obsession with the bed. He unmakes the bed at 10 pm every night, folding the blankets with military precision, and immediately makes it in the morning as soon as his feet hit the floor.  

I've never understood his neat bed preoccupation because he is kind of messy in any other instance. Don’t believe me? Come over and look at our kitchen counters after he makes his coffee or observe his pile of sweat-moistened Mr. Handyman clothes on the closet floor.  

Although I’ve been known to carry those clothes to the washer on the end of a broom or pinched between two fingers, I have the luxury of never having to make the bed and have a bed ready for me at night when it's time to get in it - sort like a turn-down service at a fancy hotel, minus the chocolates on the pillow, the freshly laundered sheets and the fancy part. 

While Bill is pulling down beds, I take my Prilosec, brush my teeth, and arrange my nighttime stuff on the table beside the bed – a Q-tip in case my ear itches, my inhaler in case I wheeze, eye drops to combat my dry eye, and a glass of water in case I get thirsty. 

Once I’m in bed, I do not want to get out until morning, and typing that last paragraph made me realize that while I was making fun of Bill for his ridiculous bedtime routine, I have my own bedtime routine that is equally ridiculous.

Anyway, last night, I filled my glass with water, put it on the nightstand, and went to the bathroom to get a Q-tip and inhaler. When I returned, I noticed a tiny insect in my water, paddling in circles.

I watched it for a bit, then thought about how often I woke up thirsty in the middle of the night and drank water from the nightstand glass. How many times has that happened? The bug, the water, and, of course, the obvious conclusion.

Some mysteries are better left unsolved.