The Devil is a Mosquito Bite

I’m starting to wonder if I’m allergic to mosquito bites. It makes sense because I’m allergic to almost everything else – eggs, dairy, melons, pretty much any fresh fruit or vegetable, animal fur, animal saliva, cut grass, ragweed, pollen, mold, dust, bird feathers – and on and on.

The thing is, I’ve never been allergic to mosquitos before. I was one of those people mosquitoes left alone and who rarely got bit but lately, those little pests have been biting the he** out of me.

If I’m going to be honest with zero exaggeration whatsoever, every bite in the area of attack turns into a puffy, red, weepy, ginormous pimple-y but larger boil-y looking thing that erupts into mind-blowing itchiness with torturous throbbing that makes it less of an insect bite and more of an AGONIZING ABSCESS FROM HELL.

This is why lately when I see a bug flying nearby or even think there might be a bug flying nearby, I start thrashing around flapping my arms and batting wildly. Did you know I’m writing this outside on the patio and I heard a buzzing just now? It was a little bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz bzzzzzzz sound near my head.

Stupid, fierce, pesky bloodsuckers, You should be eliminated from the ecosystem. I’ll spray you and trap you on sticky paper and citronella candle you off my lanai. And if that doesn’t work I’ll electrocute your little a$$es with a zapper thing.

Now I’m itching. I need to scratch. Do not scratch. DO. NOT. SCRATCH!