Gratitude Is Best Served With A Side of Sarcasm

Last night, after dinner, I went on a horrible walk. Well, maybe “horrible” is a strong word. It was more like annoying. 

It was so breezy my hair beat my face like a whip. My sinuses were throbbing and on the verge of exploding. My nose was so runny and itchy I wanted to scratch it off my face. I had to stop a few times because my underwear kept wedging itself halfway up my intestines, and at one point, when I opened my mouth to sneeze, a small bug flew down my throat. I gagged and coughed until that f*cker popped out of my mouth and flew away to wherever bugs go after almost dying in one’s esophagus. 

I seriously considered ending the walk, heading home, and never stepping outside again unless I am encased in bubble wrap or the pollen and the bugs in this state subside, and there is as much of a chance of that happening as there is of me aging backward.

Aggravating allergies, underwear, and bugs aside (You know to take my bitching with a grain of salt, right?), that evening walk brought me joy. I’m actively trying to train my brain to go to a place of peace and beauty and not default to focusing on everything that is bothersome. Let me tell you, it’s not easy. It’s akin to performing open heart surgery with a spoon while blindfolded with one arm tied behind your back.

But the town we live in is so gorgeous and wonderful. Sometimes, I have to pinch myself to make sure I’m really lucky enough to be residing here. And I wasn’t exactly bored walking since I had a few friends I was text-bantering with at the same time. I was also burning calories, feeling a bit of evening sun on my face, and briefly removed from the 4068685930 unfinished DIY projects in our house that are making me crazy.

I came home refreshed, recharged, and immediately stripped off that stupid creeping underwear, threw them in the trash, sprayed Flonase in my nose holes and took a long, hot shower to wash away the pollen. 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh! Bliss!!

Do you want to know what I wrote in my gratitude journal about that walk? Here you go: “My evening walk started off miserable, but with an attitude adjustment, I reached an I-Just-Ate-An-Entire-Pizza-And/Or-Cake-By-Myself-And-I’m-Not-Worried-About-The-Calories level of happiness.”

It’s all in how you look at things.